Living with Dementia: A Lawyer’s Story of Family and Care

We asked Weightmans, a partner of #LIFI25, to share a personal perspective on dementia. Private Wealth Partner Michele Wightman tells a story of family, care, and the law. 

The care and wellbeing of those living with dementia has long been an issue close to my heart. In my professional life as a Private Wealth Partner at Weightmans, I frequently advise on a person’s ability to make decisions, support clients with Wills and Lasting Powers of Attorney (where they are still able to), and act on their behalf as Attorney or Deputy where they are not.

Rushing to put preparations in place after receiving a diagnosis of dementia is something we hear from clients with alarming regularity. The statistics are sobering: dementia, including Alzheimer’s, is now the UK’s biggest killer, taking 66,876 lives in 2023 alone. And it is not just the eldest in our society who are affected. One of my clients, for example, was diagnosed at the age of 54, and just six years later is now receiving end-of-life care.

Those are the objective views of a solicitor. But when it came to my own lovely Uncle Bob, I found it impossible to remain objective. Although my uncle by marriage rather than blood, to me he has always been like a dad. It was Uncle Bob who brought me my first pet (a little grey rabbit) when I was nine, who noticed the effect my parents’ divorce was having on me during my A levels and simply listened, and who walked me down the aisle at my wedding seven years ago.

My auntie (89) and uncle (90) have been married for over 60 years. They still live at home without care – for now, at least. About four years ago, we all noticed changes in Uncle Bob: confusion over names and places, repeating phrases, sometimes getting lost on a walk – only for us to discover he was looking for his childhood home. GP visits, consultations and medication followed, but there is no way to stop the slow, inevitable decline that anyone watching a loved one go through this disease will recognise.

Despite this, he is still my Uncle Bob – and he matters. For anyone watching a mum, dad, sibling or close relative living with dementia, they matter too.

This is the crux of the issue, and why I am so passionate about how we treat those living with dementia: because they still have so much to give and to teach us. It’s why choirs like the one established by Vicky are so important, along with support groups, community gardening projects, walking football, keep-fit sessions and so many other initiatives.

Of course, the questions around home, residential and nursing care — and how we fund it — remain difficult. I won’t go into that here. What I will say, having visited dozens of care homes to see clients and having served as a Trustee for care home charities for many years, is that I have seen first-hand the love and compassion of those working in this area. Maintaining dignity and ensuring voices are heard is everything. Because, when our time comes, that is exactly what we will want for ourselves.

And finally, if you ever have the time to spend volunteering with someone living with dementia, please do. You will not regret it. Do it for yourself, your loved ones – and for my Uncle Bob.

Main Image: Robert Young and Valerie Young (Uncle Bob and Auntie Val) at his 90^th birthday lunch with Michele Wightman. Imageb below is Michele Wightman.