Top Takeaways from Are kids still part of the plan?

Laura Hamilton hosted a conversation about whether children are still part of the plan for a generation weighing up cost, fertility and freedom. Dr SJ Beard, Yousra Samir Imran, Betty Mukherjee, Olivia Bentley and Johnny I’Anson approached the question from philosophy, relationships and community, a rare medical diagnosis, a deliberately child-free life and the perspective of a broadcaster. The discussion was less about whether people should have children than about why the decision has become so fraught.

The event explored the changing attitudes towards parenthood, the pressures surrounding the decision to have children, and the importance of creating space for more open and honest conversations.

Top Takeaways from the panel
Olivia Bentley started the conversation by reflecting on the assumptions placed on single women in their thirties, explaining that people went “beserk” when they discovered she didn’t want children yet, while her dad worried she would be “lonely”.

Johnny I’Anson, a parent to a three-month old, highlighted the realities of fertility, noting that “nobody has the conversations about the difficulties of fertility” and that “there’s no rule book”. The discussion also touched on the impact of social media and changing dating culture, with Johnny continuing that “the online world has completely distorted what we think a relationship should look like”.

The panel reflected on the realities of parenting, with Johnny saying that “parenthood is the best thing you ever do and it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do”. In a world of influence from online media channels, Yousra Samir Imran, talked about it “taking a village to raise a child, but many parents no longer have the support of a traditional village”.

Ultimately, the conversation called for a more informed and compassionate approach to the decision to have children, in the words of Dr SJ Beard “free from guilt and shame”. They continued to say that “the joy of life is in living it and nobody will teach you that more than living life through the eyes of a toddler”.

The conversation delved into the options that were now more readily than ever. After outlining her fertility journey, Betty Mukherjee explained “when we talk about choice and having a choice, I felt that at 16 that that choice was taken from me. The great thing about technology is that there is now a choice”.

The message was clear; whether choosing parenthood or a different path, people deserve the freedom to make decisions that feel right for them, with honesty, understanding and support.

“What we all need is a much better informed discussion of what being a parent is like” – Dr SJ Beard

Further Reading

• Hijab and Red Lipstick, Yousra Imran (Hashtag Press, 2020). Link
• Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood, Ruby Warrington (Orion Spring, 2023). Link
• No One Left: Why the World Needs More Children, Paul Morland (Forum, 2024). Link
• Motherhood, Sheila Heti (Harvill Secker, 2018). Link
• Declining birth rates and population ageing, House of Lords Library briefing. Link

Further Listening and Watching

• Race Across the World, series 4, BBC One, 2024, BBC iPlayer, featuring Betty Mukherjee. Link
• The Fertility Podcast: Race Across the World to MRKH Advocacy, episode with Betty Mukherjee. Link
• Private Parts, podcast with Liv Bentley and Tom Lucy. Link
• Hear This Idea: SJ Beard on Parfit, Climate Change and Existential Risk, podcast episode. Link
• Big Fat Negative, UK podcast on fertility, infertility and IVF. Link
• Private Life, Netflix film, 2018. Link

Further Help

• Fertility Network UK, national fertility charity. Link
• Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority, the UK regulator, with independent information on IVF and clinics. Link
• MRKH Connect, UK charity for people with MRKH syndrome. Link
• Imperial College Healthcare NHS Trust MRKH service, NHS information and support. Link